TAMING YOUR CHILD'S TANTRUMS

Your child don't just go into those occasional nasty or naughty mood just for the fun of it. No! Naturally they act out what they feel and communicate it to you by displaying acts of frustration, anger, hunger, exhaustion, sickness, etc. It is then left for you as the caregiver they know and trust to understand them and manage this emotional low-down that triggers this sudden behavior. For instance you do not expect your 20 month old child to say "Mum am cross with you for wasting so much time on the phone". No, but they will put up a show of hysterical cries or creams that alarms you, putting you on your feet to quickly attending to their needs. However you simply don't have to live with your tots temper tantrums cause there are a lot you can do by understanding how they feel and helping to change their inappropriate expressions of them. To effectively manage tantrums in your child to the barest minimum, you need to identify what triggers them.

EXHAUSTION AND HUNGER
Tiredness and hunger whenever both or one hit a child, it causes the child to run low on emotional resources that is expected to make them cope with normal behavioral expectations. This means that where normally your child play, take his bath without a fuss, do his school work, share with others, etc, when they are happy and comfortable. But they will be defiant and unwilling to do the same whenever hungry or tiredness sets in and will show it because the emotional zeal and motivation to cope have deserted them.
To deal with this, find out if they are hungry or tired. If so quickly feed them or make them rest as the case may be. To checkmate hunger and tiredness, be sure to feed them adequately and at the appropriate times. Healthy snacks in between plays and normal meals is also ideal to rule out hunger as a trigger. Get them ready for bed on time and encourage them to take naps.

CHANGES
When kids move from one experience into another, it puts a toll on them and they respond back by throwing tantrums. For example going home from Granny's house involves the change from being in a home with one set of rules and expectations, and moving into another with different layout.
Changes can bring about terrible tantrum displays from children because just like adults they too will resist change. It might not be that they do not want to go home or get their home work done, it could just be that they are protesting at having to make changes. They find transitions to be very difficult because they maybe apprehensive that changes can bring about a stop to some things they enjoy or bring about new rules they would not want to accept. What to do is - give your child enough time to adjust whenever change has to be upheld. Make them see and understand why change is good or compulsory for them. Most importantly do not rush them through any change, instead make them be ready for it.

SHOPPING
Ideally shopping with your child is never the best of ideas unless you going to be ready to buy him almost all the things he points out. Definitely if you are not going to give in to his demands, brace yourself and be prepared to contain his tantrums of frustration and anger. That is if your child is going to survive the sensory assault associated with shopping. This is because as shopping is not one of their leisure, they can be left feeling overwhelmed due to the sights, sounds, touch and busy-ness of everything which lead to sensory overload. However there are times when shopping with your child becomes necessary. At such times, what you do is - make the shopping a short one. Include your child in the shopping exercise and allow him active parts if he so chooses. He could be allowed to help in putting items into the trolley, unpacking them or choosing them. Very important is the issue of also allowing him to pick one or two items for himself which you will have to ascertain and put a limit to.

WHEN ON THE PHONE
The telephone has become a factor that triggers off tantrums among many pre-school children. It is either the loss of attention from you that they react to or the fact that you stayed too long on the phone or their desire to have you only to themselves that triggers off tantrum in them whenever you are on the phone. You can manage this by avoiding a drama with your child by choosing to make your calls at an appropriate time. A "call box" has helped many parents get through a short conservation. Have a box ready with some things inside that your child can busy himself with while you spend some time on the phone.

WHEN IN A HURRY
If you are always in a rush and your child often has tantrums, try to investigate whether between hurrying and your child's tantrums, if a connection exist. This is very important because children at the age of 2, do not have sense of time and would not understand why you are in a hurry. They will pick up on your anxiety around time and if you make the mistake of hurrying them to the edge, where definitely they will erupt. But if you really have to hurry, then be ready to get your child into the mood of hurrying along with you. If it happens he is lagging behind, check yourself in time not to give in to resentment or unnecessary shouts because you can't blame him if he can't meet your expectations. Meanwhile, in as much as you would not want your child to go into tantrum just to see their wish granted, never give in to their drama.. By not giving in, you would be teaching your child that shouting and screaming will not get his desire granted. Most time you will have to be firm by ignoring the behavior and channel your attention on what brought about the tantrum in the first place. Thus your child may be helpless in controlling how he feels, but you are there to identify and eliminate what triggers tantrum.

Now you have an idea what may trigger tantrums in your child and how they can be managed or contained, but what about the beautiful and positive lessons they learn with your help and support. Have you thought about some of them? Here are some of them -
*Know and rely on your emotional supports to understand their desires.
*Accepts and respect that their wish will not always be your command.
*Comes to terms with the realities of life.
*Learn to tolerate their own troubles and distress.
*Learn that their will is not always powerful, there are adults around them to contain it.
*Learn to live and feel emotionally secure and safe
*Build up the capacity for emotional resilience and maturity.